he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
