i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
