Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
