Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
