To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
