I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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