Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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