So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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