I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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