Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
