My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
