Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
