We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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