My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
