i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
