Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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