Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
