i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
