there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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