so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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