My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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