I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
