Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
