hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
zippers are such a cool invention
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
