Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
