remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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