she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
