"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
