I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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