We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
