Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
