well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let's get the cat blown out
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
