Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
