btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
