i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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