You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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