i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
