you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
