not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
