Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
