When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
