Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
