oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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