God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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