i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think i have two assholes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
