I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
