i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
