I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
