I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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