please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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