yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
