Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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